MEMO: FEEL LIKE AN OVERTHINKING DWEEB SOMETIMES

Raise your hand, if you care too much what other people think of you. I believe we all do this to some extent and thus I am here writing to share the chaos of what runs through my mind. I am and will always be a work in progress, this definitely an area where I want to continue to work on.

I hope most you don’t relate to this feeling but those of you who can, know that you’re not alone, crazy, or doomed. From own my experience my overthinking causes me more harm than good. Fear can fester when the mind continues to wonder what others my think. I would argue though a wondering mind is great for creative purpose but it’s important to know how to rein in the thoughts.

Simple tasks and social settings often set me for loop of insecurity. I question how to function in my own body. Am I doing this right? Do they know I am inside my head? What do they really think of me? All questions typically run through my head. No doubt, sometimes these thoughts get the best of me on certain days. But what grounds me back to sensible reality is gratitude.

Gratitude to have another day on this earth. May sound like a load of bull to some but I am telling you its game changer to openly accept the love and beauty of today. Acknowledge the love and support you receive from the people that matter the most. Surround yourself with people that bring out the best in you, odds are you are propelling them forward as well. When we live the present and relish the gratitude, other things and thoughts just don’t seem important.

In early March, I went back to my hometown to celebrate my parent’s 50th anniversary. I love my family but as the youngest of eight who inherently overthinks, I sometime make my life harder by worrying if my parents are proud of person I have become. Do my siblings understand who I am? Do I fit in the mix of personalities of my family? Although these thoughts come and go, I am working on training my mind to let go and embrace the love of family.

Easter 2007 is easily one of my favorite family memories, back when we were all together and played competitive games in the backyard only to win $20 bucks and Starsky and Hutch on DVD. It was simpler time when I allowed myself to be present in moment. Coming home this time around for the weekend felt good despite the short time together. To my parents, thank you for raising me and all my sibling, thank you for teaching us how to care for others, and thank you for all the good food made from love. To my siblings, thank you all for being so different and introducing me to cool music, shows, and culture at a young age. And to all my nieces and nephews thank you for your quirkiness that brightens days of adulthood. I love and accept you all.

I am working on caring less about what other people think but I am only human and will definitely worry time to time. For now, I will continue to work towards a better head space to navigate those thoughts and negatives feelings. I hope by practicing gratitude in your own life it helps you build perspective. Focus on you, how you feel about yourself and your life, that is what matters. Take time for yourself, give yourself grace, and on your worst days surround yourself with the people and things you love. You will find yourself looking forward to tomorrow.

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